BY SUSAN STONE, LCSW
Despite the joy and merriment of the
holiday season, the recent loss or
continuing absence of a beloved
animal companion can sometimes
intensify or reinitiate the mourning process.
Memories of past seasons shared with
departed pets can evoke strong feelings
of sadness. Some of us may attempt to
keep these feelings inside, for fear of
dampening the holidays spirits of others
around us or a fear that there is something
wrong. We may experience more dreams
about our lost friend, sense their presence
or absence more acutely, or be overtaken
by feelings of guilt about having moved on without them.
Such feelings and experiences are well acknowledged as normal and expected when
pertaining to human loss. It seems socially acceptable to shed a tear and admit “The
holidays aren’t the same without Aunt Mary,” or an even closer nuclear family death. But
despite the enlightened perspective of those who read this publication and fully
acknowledge the power and depth of the animal human bond, many of us are still
overwhelmed and taken off guard by the intensity and longevity of our grief response.
For many, the relationship they developed with their animal companion was and is
perhaps the closest and purest of exchanges of love and loyalty ever experienced. The
quality of our human relationships are prone to the interpersonal foibles, stressors and
challenges that 21st century life imposes while animals app-ear to be immune to
wavering loyalties or inconsistent affection. Their focus remains on you through forgotten
walks, withdrawn moods, reduced attention due to the multiple demands in life. They are
there, 24/7 completely accepting and offering comfort, love and earthly proof of a spiritual
dimension in life.
While we are able to joyously accept our love for them, celebrating its depth and capture
of our hearts, and wonder at their indifference to events which would provoke most of us,
we are often unprepared for the devastation of their loss. Yet when considering the
contribution they make in our lives, their ability to reach into the depths of our souls and
make us believers, it is not surprising that grief responses to their loss are often lengthy
and overpowering. One mourns in proportion to the value of what is lost. And in losing
these manifestations of purity, innocence and divinity, one has lost greatly.
When asked “How long will I feel this way?” and “What can I do to move through this?” I
say there is no quick fix. Each loss is mourned differently, depending on the meaning
and significance of the relationship. While the sharpness of the pain recedes with time,
memories, thankfully, remain for a lifetime. But there is plenty you can do to honor the life
of that pet and such activities can help move the grief process forward.
Share your feelings with others. This can be as simple as saying, “Dickens loved this
season, he looked so cute in his special collar,” or “I miss Mazie so much, she was truly
one of a kind.” Make an ornament for your tree or table, display a picture of them
prominently to include them in festivities or view family videos which include your
departed pet. In this way, you are an animal advocate, unafraid to emphasize their value
and importance to the quality of life.
Make a donation in their name. There are so many organizations and shelters trying to
manage the influx of unwanted, unwell or homeless pets. They all need our support.
Making a donation in the name of our deceased pet helps other pets still trying to find a
life in this world.
Write to websites/magazines about your pet. Sometimes, we are too grief stricken
immediately after a loss to put our thoughts and feelings into words. Weeks, months or
even years later, this can be a cathartic exercise and there are websites/magazines
which publish these memorials.
Conduct your own ceremony of remembrance. This can be as simple as lighting a
candle, reflecting on your deceased companion’s life, or writing a poem or letter about
his life.
Attend a support group. Most support groups are open groups. Airing your feelings with
those who understand and share a similar attitude about the importance of animal life
can be comforting and uplifting.
When you are ready, adopt. People sometimes feel that opening their home to a new pet
is somehow disloyal to the departed friend. Such feelings are normal and natural, it
takes time to heal. Others feeling the need for the company of animals, more quickly
reach out to bring a new animal into their home. There is no right or wrong time to feel
this need. It honors the relationship and the animal kingdom to offer a home to the many
needy animals who await adoption.
Get help if your feelings seem unmanageable, or there are thoughts of not wanting to
live. When one feels isolated and unable to share such feelings with an empathic
listener, the feelings can seem unbearable.
Become an animal advocate. Write letters, get involved in the passage of bills which
support ethical treatment of animals. Find out what your local community does for
animals and how you can help. This honors the life of your beloved pet and the animal
kingdom he represents.
Give thanks for the life of your pet. The magic of the relationship continues. All of our
animal companions are teachers — they bring out our best, open our hearts and feed
our spirits. Think about what your pet helped you find in yourself. And allow your pets
gratitude for the life and love you provided to him to reach and heal your soul.
Susan Stone, LCSW a licensed clinical social worker with certifications in
bereavement, is also a Delta Society Evaluator and Pet Partner Instructor. Ms. Stone
initiated Animal Assisted Therapy Programs at Bergen County hospitals, and speaks
on the importance of the animal-human bond. Ms. Stone has a private practice in
Englewood Cliffs, N.J. and may be e-mailed at susanstonelcsw@aol.com.
Despite the joy and merriment of the
holiday season, the recent loss or
continuing absence of a beloved
animal companion can sometimes
intensify or reinitiate the mourning process.
Memories of past seasons shared with
departed pets can evoke strong feelings
of sadness. Some of us may attempt to
keep these feelings inside, for fear of
dampening the holidays spirits of others
around us or a fear that there is something
wrong. We may experience more dreams
about our lost friend, sense their presence
or absence more acutely, or be overtaken
by feelings of guilt about having moved on without them.
Such feelings and experiences are well acknowledged as normal and expected when
pertaining to human loss. It seems socially acceptable to shed a tear and admit “The
holidays aren’t the same without Aunt Mary,” or an even closer nuclear family death. But
despite the enlightened perspective of those who read this publication and fully
acknowledge the power and depth of the animal human bond, many of us are still
overwhelmed and taken off guard by the intensity and longevity of our grief response.
For many, the relationship they developed with their animal companion was and is
perhaps the closest and purest of exchanges of love and loyalty ever experienced. The
quality of our human relationships are prone to the interpersonal foibles, stressors and
challenges that 21st century life imposes while animals app-ear to be immune to
wavering loyalties or inconsistent affection. Their focus remains on you through forgotten
walks, withdrawn moods, reduced attention due to the multiple demands in life. They are
there, 24/7 completely accepting and offering comfort, love and earthly proof of a spiritual
dimension in life.
While we are able to joyously accept our love for them, celebrating its depth and capture
of our hearts, and wonder at their indifference to events which would provoke most of us,
we are often unprepared for the devastation of their loss. Yet when considering the
contribution they make in our lives, their ability to reach into the depths of our souls and
make us believers, it is not surprising that grief responses to their loss are often lengthy
and overpowering. One mourns in proportion to the value of what is lost. And in losing
these manifestations of purity, innocence and divinity, one has lost greatly.
When asked “How long will I feel this way?” and “What can I do to move through this?” I
say there is no quick fix. Each loss is mourned differently, depending on the meaning
and significance of the relationship. While the sharpness of the pain recedes with time,
memories, thankfully, remain for a lifetime. But there is plenty you can do to honor the life
of that pet and such activities can help move the grief process forward.
Share your feelings with others. This can be as simple as saying, “Dickens loved this
season, he looked so cute in his special collar,” or “I miss Mazie so much, she was truly
one of a kind.” Make an ornament for your tree or table, display a picture of them
prominently to include them in festivities or view family videos which include your
departed pet. In this way, you are an animal advocate, unafraid to emphasize their value
and importance to the quality of life.
Make a donation in their name. There are so many organizations and shelters trying to
manage the influx of unwanted, unwell or homeless pets. They all need our support.
Making a donation in the name of our deceased pet helps other pets still trying to find a
life in this world.
Write to websites/magazines about your pet. Sometimes, we are too grief stricken
immediately after a loss to put our thoughts and feelings into words. Weeks, months or
even years later, this can be a cathartic exercise and there are websites/magazines
which publish these memorials.
Conduct your own ceremony of remembrance. This can be as simple as lighting a
candle, reflecting on your deceased companion’s life, or writing a poem or letter about
his life.
Attend a support group. Most support groups are open groups. Airing your feelings with
those who understand and share a similar attitude about the importance of animal life
can be comforting and uplifting.
When you are ready, adopt. People sometimes feel that opening their home to a new pet
is somehow disloyal to the departed friend. Such feelings are normal and natural, it
takes time to heal. Others feeling the need for the company of animals, more quickly
reach out to bring a new animal into their home. There is no right or wrong time to feel
this need. It honors the relationship and the animal kingdom to offer a home to the many
needy animals who await adoption.
Get help if your feelings seem unmanageable, or there are thoughts of not wanting to
live. When one feels isolated and unable to share such feelings with an empathic
listener, the feelings can seem unbearable.
Become an animal advocate. Write letters, get involved in the passage of bills which
support ethical treatment of animals. Find out what your local community does for
animals and how you can help. This honors the life of your beloved pet and the animal
kingdom he represents.
Give thanks for the life of your pet. The magic of the relationship continues. All of our
animal companions are teachers — they bring out our best, open our hearts and feed
our spirits. Think about what your pet helped you find in yourself. And allow your pets
gratitude for the life and love you provided to him to reach and heal your soul.
Susan Stone, LCSW a licensed clinical social worker with certifications in
bereavement, is also a Delta Society Evaluator and Pet Partner Instructor. Ms. Stone
initiated Animal Assisted Therapy Programs at Bergen County hospitals, and speaks
on the importance of the animal-human bond. Ms. Stone has a private practice in
Englewood Cliffs, N.J. and may be e-mailed at susanstonelcsw@aol.com.
| Remembering Our Beloved Companions During The Holidays |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| DICKENS STONE 1994-2004 |