By SUSAN STONE, LCSW
The difficult passage of healing from the loss of a beloved animal companion can be an
emotionally tumultuous experience. People sometimes wonder: is it harder when your
relationship lasted a decade or more? Is the untimely death of a younger animal harder
to bear than that of a companion who lived a full life? Is a sudden traumatic loss worse
than the expected outcome of a chronic illness? Such comparisons can not be made;
each has its own associated recovery tasks which emanate from the quality and
meaning of the relationship that was lost.
Feelings can run the gamut from intense grief to disbelief to anger — not unlike the
stages of grief associated with human loss.
Many of us will have all of these feelings, sometimes together, sometimes separately as
distinct periods of mourning. If we believe in a Supreme Being, at such times we may
lose that faith or be very angry at the perceived injustice, holding the forces of nature
accountable for taking our precious friend.
Because animal life, aside from some birds and longer living mammals, will never span
our entire human existence, these losses are rarely accepted without challenge.
When feelings of sadness overwhelm us, tears are nature’s way of helping us heal and
release those feelings of loss. Such feelings may last days, weeks, months, and in
some cases years when thinking about our cherished friend.
For many people, crying, talking about the lost companion and mourning feel syntonic
with who we are, meaning appropriate and compatible with how we perceive ourselves
in such situations. Such expressions are also perceived by others as normal and
socially acceptable reactions. But what happens when we feel rageful, angry, resentful
and bitter? When the innocent life of an animal is extinguished and we can not resolve
the circumstances necessary to move into acceptance, there may be a protracted period
of irritability and anger about the loss.
These kind of feelings may cause us further discomfort as we wonder if our more rageful
emotions are normal and justified. Unused to this expression of pain, we may further
withdraw, denying ourselves access to what can be a powerful and energetic
manifestation of loss.
Our bodies tend to produce different hormones which re-spond to feeling states and
hormones associated with anger and rage may prompt an urge to action. Some of us
inwardly target an institution we feel failed our animal in its time of need; others might
hold a person responsible for a preventable accidental death due to perceived
carelessness and end the association. The anger might even be directed at ourselves
for missing cues we believe might have saved our animal's life.
These are all human responses, but the need to vindicate a wrong or address a
grievance can bring a destructive discomfort that never results in the return of the lost life.
A more constructive use of such feelings is animal advocacy.
The rage one feels at the perceived or actual injustice — even when no one is to blame
— can become the catalyst for our participation in the support of organizations,
fundraising events, awareness raising meetings, letter-writing campaigns, legislative
hearings and many other important animal advocacy activities.
A woman in one of my be-reavement groups successfully lobbied within her own town to
encourage them to find no-kill shelter for unwanted animals. Another man took it upon
himself to initiate annual drives for local shelters involving the collection of food, blankets,
toys, and volunteer hours. Yet another woman joined an advocacy group to support them
on a regional level as they sought to pass legislation protective of pet ownership by
seniors prohibiting forced housing separations.
Some of us may associate animal advocacy with radical groups condoning destruction of
personal property such as the anti-fur movement, or vigilante clandestine removal of
animals from puppy mills which has led to arrest, however morally justified. While my
personal beliefs do not exclude advocacy which puts an immediate end to the suffering
of animals who lack the legal protections enjoyed by humans, there are many forms of
socially and legally accepted animal advocacy in which one can choose to participate
which can also have major impact on protections adopted for our animal friends.
There are several well-known national organizations, all of whom involve themselves in
advocacy and need participants to raise awareness, sign letters and attend gatherings.
Such activities can be a powerful antidote to feelings of injustice or anger as one is now
helping many animal friends as well as honoring the personal loss.
There are advocacy groups for most of our companion species as well as farm animals,
wild animals and domestic animals in other countries. Ecological advocacy is not
excluded from this suggested group of constructive outlets for strong feelings associated
with animal companion bereavement — all serve to better protect our voiceless friends
and their environment.
If you find yourself reading this article and wondering where to start, you can conduct a
web based search or even yellow pages survey of such organizations and will find many.
Review those groups/activities and associations requesting advocacy participation and
find one which appeals to you and then make a commitment to it. You may find that
providing an electronic signature for a petition fulfills your need, or you may be willing to
lend more active involvement in reporting an unlicensed puppy mill or support a local
spay / neuter campaign, but whatever you do — there is no greater expression of love for
the loss of one life than the safeguarding of another. Moving your powerful feelings of
intense bereavement into an empowering and constructive outlet honors you and your
lost pet — keeping the relationship alive by universalizing your love for one into the
potential salvation for many.
Susan Stone, LCSW a licensed clinical social worker with certifications in
bereavement, is also a Delta Society Evaluator and Pet Partner Instructor. Ms. Stone
initiated Animal Assisted Therapy Programs at Bergen County hospitals, and speaks
on the importance of the animal-human bond. Ms. Stone has a private practice in
Englewood Cliffs, N.J. and may be e-mailed at susanstonelcsw@aol.com.
The difficult passage of healing from the loss of a beloved animal companion can be an
emotionally tumultuous experience. People sometimes wonder: is it harder when your
relationship lasted a decade or more? Is the untimely death of a younger animal harder
to bear than that of a companion who lived a full life? Is a sudden traumatic loss worse
than the expected outcome of a chronic illness? Such comparisons can not be made;
each has its own associated recovery tasks which emanate from the quality and
meaning of the relationship that was lost.
Feelings can run the gamut from intense grief to disbelief to anger — not unlike the
stages of grief associated with human loss.
Many of us will have all of these feelings, sometimes together, sometimes separately as
distinct periods of mourning. If we believe in a Supreme Being, at such times we may
lose that faith or be very angry at the perceived injustice, holding the forces of nature
accountable for taking our precious friend.
Because animal life, aside from some birds and longer living mammals, will never span
our entire human existence, these losses are rarely accepted without challenge.
When feelings of sadness overwhelm us, tears are nature’s way of helping us heal and
release those feelings of loss. Such feelings may last days, weeks, months, and in
some cases years when thinking about our cherished friend.
For many people, crying, talking about the lost companion and mourning feel syntonic
with who we are, meaning appropriate and compatible with how we perceive ourselves
in such situations. Such expressions are also perceived by others as normal and
socially acceptable reactions. But what happens when we feel rageful, angry, resentful
and bitter? When the innocent life of an animal is extinguished and we can not resolve
the circumstances necessary to move into acceptance, there may be a protracted period
of irritability and anger about the loss.
These kind of feelings may cause us further discomfort as we wonder if our more rageful
emotions are normal and justified. Unused to this expression of pain, we may further
withdraw, denying ourselves access to what can be a powerful and energetic
manifestation of loss.
Our bodies tend to produce different hormones which re-spond to feeling states and
hormones associated with anger and rage may prompt an urge to action. Some of us
inwardly target an institution we feel failed our animal in its time of need; others might
hold a person responsible for a preventable accidental death due to perceived
carelessness and end the association. The anger might even be directed at ourselves
for missing cues we believe might have saved our animal's life.
These are all human responses, but the need to vindicate a wrong or address a
grievance can bring a destructive discomfort that never results in the return of the lost life.
A more constructive use of such feelings is animal advocacy.
The rage one feels at the perceived or actual injustice — even when no one is to blame
— can become the catalyst for our participation in the support of organizations,
fundraising events, awareness raising meetings, letter-writing campaigns, legislative
hearings and many other important animal advocacy activities.
A woman in one of my be-reavement groups successfully lobbied within her own town to
encourage them to find no-kill shelter for unwanted animals. Another man took it upon
himself to initiate annual drives for local shelters involving the collection of food, blankets,
toys, and volunteer hours. Yet another woman joined an advocacy group to support them
on a regional level as they sought to pass legislation protective of pet ownership by
seniors prohibiting forced housing separations.
Some of us may associate animal advocacy with radical groups condoning destruction of
personal property such as the anti-fur movement, or vigilante clandestine removal of
animals from puppy mills which has led to arrest, however morally justified. While my
personal beliefs do not exclude advocacy which puts an immediate end to the suffering
of animals who lack the legal protections enjoyed by humans, there are many forms of
socially and legally accepted animal advocacy in which one can choose to participate
which can also have major impact on protections adopted for our animal friends.
There are several well-known national organizations, all of whom involve themselves in
advocacy and need participants to raise awareness, sign letters and attend gatherings.
Such activities can be a powerful antidote to feelings of injustice or anger as one is now
helping many animal friends as well as honoring the personal loss.
There are advocacy groups for most of our companion species as well as farm animals,
wild animals and domestic animals in other countries. Ecological advocacy is not
excluded from this suggested group of constructive outlets for strong feelings associated
with animal companion bereavement — all serve to better protect our voiceless friends
and their environment.
If you find yourself reading this article and wondering where to start, you can conduct a
web based search or even yellow pages survey of such organizations and will find many.
Review those groups/activities and associations requesting advocacy participation and
find one which appeals to you and then make a commitment to it. You may find that
providing an electronic signature for a petition fulfills your need, or you may be willing to
lend more active involvement in reporting an unlicensed puppy mill or support a local
spay / neuter campaign, but whatever you do — there is no greater expression of love for
the loss of one life than the safeguarding of another. Moving your powerful feelings of
intense bereavement into an empowering and constructive outlet honors you and your
lost pet — keeping the relationship alive by universalizing your love for one into the
potential salvation for many.
Susan Stone, LCSW a licensed clinical social worker with certifications in
bereavement, is also a Delta Society Evaluator and Pet Partner Instructor. Ms. Stone
initiated Animal Assisted Therapy Programs at Bergen County hospitals, and speaks
on the importance of the animal-human bond. Ms. Stone has a private practice in
Englewood Cliffs, N.J. and may be e-mailed at susanstonelcsw@aol.com.
| Honoring A Companion Through Advocacy |
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